Love Bites with the Sisters of Sizzle
Elise Kloter: Well on that note maybe we should move into our love coach.

Jill Pagano: Oh Cheri take the pressure off me I can’t handle it anymore. Oh I hear her laughing back there.

Elise Kloter: Oh hi Cheri.

Jill Pagano: Oh I think we have a song for you. Hang on.

Elise Kloter: We have a little couple bar intro for you. Because it just wouldn’t be the same. Ok we have to sing it then.

(singing)

Elise Kloter: Hey Cheri. How ya do Miss Cheri Valentine?

Cheri Valentine: I am just fine and how are you Elise and Jill?

Jill Pagano: Oh we are fabulous fabulous. We are so glad to have you back so that we can keep our love biting.

Elise Kloter: I know we’ve missed you.

Cheri Valentine: Oh. I’ve missed talking with you myself, so thanks. I’m glad to be back. This is great.

Jill Pagano: Yeah. You’ve got some good stuff for us for keeping everyone sizzling this month?

Cheri Valentine: I hope so. I think so.

Jill Pagano: good.

Cheri Valentine: Well I thought I would jump off or piggyback off of something I talked about in one of the other love bites sections where it was like one of those quick little tidbits. And I come back to this because I think it’s so important and one of the foundational things in the whole relating, dating and mating maze. And that’s our belief system. And you know I really have been starting to tell people what you perceive and believe you receive and can achieve.

Elise Kloter: Lots of loves

Cheri Valentine: Well yeah ya know I like to rhyme. I don’t know. It helps me remember things I guess.

Jill Pagano: She’s a poet.

Cheri Valentine: But you know it’s so true and the perception starts from the time we are very young children. What happens is we experience something either verbally, we visualize it, we experience it, we hear it and then our perceptions become how we take that on  and what we believe to be true for ourselves at that time. We even feel it in our body and then our bodies take that on and sort of store it. And usually when this is all happening we don’t know what to do with this so it just sort of finds a spot and hangs out in our bodies and just stays there forever until we decide to do something with it.

And so the beliefs that we have really do our reality. It ties so much into the law of attraction. You know it’s that emotional energy so the belief,s the perceptions and that energy that we carry brings back what we have. So if we’re believing something, if we’re thinking something then we’re feeling it then we’re acting on it. And then all that energy put together is what is creating our life. And our love life in particular since that’s what we’re talking about.  And so it’s such a big deal to understand that, and to take some time and look at it.

I had given a quick little exercise, a releasing ceremony in one of the other love bites segment, that’s a good thing to do but there’s so much more to it. If that worked for you I’m so happy and if it didn’t there’s more you can do. And some of that is to maybe rewrite your lists of beliefs on love, on dating, on mating and see what comes up for you.

And then you want to ask yourself when you think about those beliefs, those things you’ve written down how do you feel? And see what happens. Do you feel it in your body? Does your stomach get tight? Do you feel a pain in your shoulder? Does your knee start to feel stiff? Really pay attention and see what happens when you start to really think about your beliefs.

Then pay attention to what feelings you have and start to just first feel your body and then ask yourself what feelings am I feeling? Am I feeling sadness? Maybe betrayal. Ah could it be hurt? Am I angry? And start to look at those clues. If that’s coming up and you’re feeling any of these emotions you’ve got some real stored energy that’s very negative energy. It’s a very low vibration and that’s causing issues in your life and that’s causing you to act a certain way and you’re sending out vibrations and you’re getting that back.

So if you’re not having a good time of dating, if you’re meeting the same ole loser jerks, people who just give you a good time, loves you and leaves you, takes off or doesn’t treat you respectfully – tale notice. What are you attracting into your life? What kind of dating experiences are you having?

And this is a great exercise to sit down and look at. Try to understand what feelings am I storing in my body and what am I still holding onto that’s not serving me? Are my beliefs encouraging me or discouraging me? Are they getting me what I want or getting me more of what I don’t want?

And then really sit down and ask yourself when I have these feelings what do I do? Do I shut down? Do I become isolated? Do I open that refrigerator and eat everything in site? Do I pick a fight? Do I get frustrated and don’t want to be home and go out to the nearest bar and whack down a martini and then another and another?

Jill Pagano: Let’s see about that one.

Elise Kloter: do you smack em across the head?

Jill Pagano: That one didn’t resonate at all.

Cheri Valentine: So yeah I just think this is such an important important important piece of the whole relationship scene because what, if we’re starting out with some beliefs that are not serving us and are not bringing us the love that we want it’s not going to change as long as we’re holding on and harboring the beliefs and feelings and then acting on them.

Jill Pagano: Would you also, there’s that one, when you said that last step I wrote it down as number five and maybe we’ll get a chance to review them all but then when you asked what do I do when I’m feeling like this you know the martini and the refrigerator thing I also wanted to ask myself what is it that I’m telling myself when that’s coming up. Like what, oh there’s no good men out there, oh I’m too ugly to attract somebody I want, oh you know I never find love there isn’t love out there for people like me. Is, where does that kind of, how does that fit in with your four or five steps you have here?

Cheri Valentine: That’s a really good point you brought up because oftentimes the beliefs that we have we’re not even aware of them.

Jill Pagano: Exactly.

Cheri Valentine: So by starting out with a list that you are aware of and then checking in with your feelings and your emotions and your body and then asking what do I do that might bring you deeper in, that’s when you start to really sense those deeper things, those beliefs, the unconscious beliefs. We’ve got our conscious minds that we’re very much aware of and the unconscious which is about 90% of where we respond and react from – those unconscious beliefs that we have.

So once you start to understand that you have these beliefs, that they’re not serving and you start to understand how you’re reacting then this is such an opportunity for cleansing for clearing and for really challenging the belief. Is it a good thing for you that you become frustrated and angry and shut down and don’t want to talk to anyone and you do this because you believe that you’ve dated enough, you’re sick of dating, dating sucks (I’m sorry can I say that on the air?).

Jill Pagano: Yep. I believe suck is ok when put into the word of that dating sucks. However Elise will find a way to put suck in where you have to bleep her.

Elise Kloter: Well now you know Cheri and don’t you think sometimes too that you can almost approach it from the opposite angle? If people are really, if it’s really subconscious and they just can’t come up with what their perceptions or beliefs are take a look at what you’re doing.

Cheri Valentine: Yes.

Elise Kloter: You know take a look at your behaviors. Why are you spending your nights in the bars?

Jill Pagano: Kind of back it from there.

Elise Kloter: Yeah and then from there. Ok what is that saying about my perceptions of reality? You know.

Cheri Valentine: That’s so true. Tthanks for bringing that up. I do  back people in a lot because it isn’t easy to just come up and know what we don’t really know. That’s a good point to look at – what am I doing when I’m doing this what am I feeling? Why am I and I’ll share with you, honestly for myself there was a time 10 o’clock at night would roll around and I would just be overcome with loneliness. I had been alone in the house all day. I wasn’t living at home anymore with my husband. My children were all sort of on their own. I was alone for the first time all the time. I was used to having a house full of people and come 10 o’clock at night I would be so overcome with a sense of loneliness.

And I was living in a new place and found it really easy to just go down the street to the local pub because there were a lot of people there that I could talk to and socialize. And I didn’t realize I was doing this until I said wait a minute this is not why I’m here. This isn’t what I’m here to do. This isn’t why I changed my life so this is what I’m doing every night. Why am I doing this? And that’s when I started to really check in and realize that I was getting hit and like suffocated almost with this sense of loneliness at night and so I had to ask myself what can I do instead of leaving and going to the bar? And so I, there’s lots of things I could do. I could call a friend. I started a journal. Turned on music that I enjoy. I even went to bed and that was a good one 10 o’clock at night go to bed.

Jill Pagano: Yeah plenty that could be done there.

Cheri Valentine: Yeah.

(singing)

Elise Kloter: I am only kidding.

Jill Pagano: I am not the only person who thought that out there it’s just simply I say it.

Cheri Valentine: It is right you say what we’re all thinking.

Jill Pagano: I mean she says she’s lonely, it’s 10 o’clock and she goes to bed. What else. Put those three together for heavens sake.

Cheri Valentine: So that was a good point. And from there it helped me to look at other things. What other things am I doing and why and where’s this coming from? And that’s when I really started to really examine my life , my relationships, all of them and just you know little by little piece by piece what am I doing, what’s going on here, where are my beliefs?

Of course I wouldn’t be me without saying this because I’m such a huge believer in energy and how it affects us all and there are lots of different ways that you can work with these beliefs through and energetic venue whether it’s EFT which is taping whatever there’s many ways to do this. I mean there’s so many. And it’s not what you do it’s just finding what works for you so that you can change your beliefs and step into the belief that does serve you that you want to believe.

The other thing that I point out too is that it’s not I think sometimes people think ok now that I know this great. But there’s a difference between our brain which knows things and our body. And it’s really trying to find bring the two in alignment and understanding it’s a process. So you may be someone who really truly doesn’t think that you can find anyone to ever love you and want to believe you’d like to believe that that’s possible but you just don’t. I mean your experiences haven’t been such and it’s a stretch for you to go from I am not lovable to I am. So you know how about stepping into the place of I’d love to believe it’s possible that someone could love me.

Elise Kloter: Oh that’s a great middle step.

Jill Pagano: Yeah yeah there you go.

Cheri Valentine: and you start to work with that and then you’re like you know what I really want to believe it’s possible and you know I am starting to believe it is possible and you move up the ladder until you’re like wow it is possible. I know it is possible and I’m ready.

So understand it’s ok if it takes awhile and understand that it is a process. It isn’t like you’re going to snap your fingers and one day you’re going to be like you know on one end of the spectrum and the next day you’re going to be. And that’s where I think a lot of people get into trouble or become frustrated is because with affirmations in particular you know you’ve like ok if you say you don’t believe something tell yourself you do but your body knows it’s still not true for you and then you sort of give up because you get frustrated, your body feels it, you feel it even if you’re not aware of it.

So take the baby steps if that’s what you need to do. If you can’t go from one extreme to the other in your belief system take the steps to get there and it’s ok.

Elise Kloter: Yeah this is really great stuff and it is all about your perceptions. And it is true that what you believe you are going to create.

Jill Pagano: Taking the baby steps, I like that.

Elise Kloter: So Cheri if somebody needs help with this process, if they’d like to get started or go deeper how could they find you?

Cheri Valentine: They can find me at www.cherivalentine.com that’s c-h-e-r-i and valentine just like the day.

Elise Kloter: Ok and when is your next 90 days to love course?

Cheri Valentine: Well I have, I’m working on I have a local one coming up in Portsmouth that will be a weekend at the end of May. And I’ve got a teleclass that will be taking place beginning in mid April.

Elise Kloter: Fabulous and you’ll keep us posted on that and people can find out all about those classes by going to cherivalentine.com

Jill Pagano: And you’re on our team sizzle page so if you want to see Cheri and you want to click on some links to her website go ahead and go to sistersofsizzle.com and our team sizzle page will have her pretty picture right there. Thank you Cheri.

Cheri Valentine: Thank you.