How Pain and Emotions are Linked

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In this series, I have been talking about low back pain and hip pain, and alternative approaches to reducing chronic pain issues. We are exploring how you can http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photography-woman-back-pain-bends-over-flinches-her-fitness-concept-image35129812alleviate and, perhaps identify the root cause of the pain with other means besides or in conjunction with, traditional medicine. Earlier in the series, we looked at the physical aspect of pain, and I offered you a breathing exercise to help ease pain and discomfort.

Today, I want to discuss the emotional aspect of pain. We have emotions that we store in our bodies, from past experiences we have held onto. These stored emotions are hanging around within our bodies because they have never been expressed or released. If we continue to ignore them, these stored emotions will find ways to get our attention. Usually, it will show up in pain and illness, frustration or explosive emotions. When these unexpected emotions are triggered, it is a signal; a sign that it is time for us to address something we have not addressed. Our body is telling us to pay attention; to acknowledge an experience that we never did.

Emotions are actually healthy when we give them the attention they require. The challenge is that most of us have been taught that it is not okay to feel or express our emotions. So, each time an emotion comes up, we learn to ignore it, stuff it down, and do not validate it. We try to pretend it does not exist and tell ourselves why we should not feel anything. We are taught that we should be happy and positive at all times and it is not okay to feel negative feelings and have negative thoughts. Well, research is telling us, as well as my own experience with my clients, that it is imperative that we acknowledge our emotions. I have discovered, in my work, that it is so important to have an awareness of all our feelings and honor even those we were taught to tamp down. We have the right to choose how we want to show up, think, and feel; yet ignoring our true feelings actually interferes with our choosing a better state of mind.

A small percentage of our cognitive mind is actually creating our experiences. If there is misalignment in our emotions with our conscious mind, it is feeding into our thought processes, unconsciously affecting our thinking. We cannot possibly be creating and manifesting, or, showing up in our lives the way we want to be, if we are struggling with suppressing these old emotions. By acknowledging and giving validity to the negative emotions, as well as the positive, we are realigning our emotional state. Thus, we realign our ability to consciously manifest and create, powerfully, in our own lives, and showing up in a way that we choose.

Pain is signally that something is wrong, and often our emotions provide clues. They give us the opportunity to look at something we need to look at or, release something that needs to be released. Or, perhaps, there is a perception we have held onto that needs to shift. Oftentimes, we do not know that these emotions are hiding out or, that they need to be addressed until they show up as pain, stiffness in our joints, pain in our hips or a feeling of heaviness within our body.

We can use many different approaches in energy healing to address the issue of pain in the body and release of the emotions that may be the root cause of the pain or stiffness. I did an energy healing session with a female client who was experiencing significant hip pain. I explored the chakras to find where anger and anxiety was stored within her energy centers. By working with her chakras, we discovered that she was holding onto certain experiences in her past causing her to feel anger and anxiety. We also discovered that it was not just her own emotional energy she was feeling. Much of her anxiety and anger was corded into and attached to her as lineage energy. Also, she was feeling the emotions of her daughter. I was able to clear that energy and she immediately felt release in her lower body.

EFT (Tapping) is another of my favorite energy tools. I hold workshops at yoga centers where we combine yoga with EFT to facilitate the release of emotional energy held in the hips. Some of the emotions stored in the hips have a lot to do with mother energy, grandmother energy and female energy in general. When we start to explore and ask questions, we can bring about great relief and release through the hips with tapping on those experiences and feelings, which relieves pain and allows for greater mobility and movement.

So exploring your emotions and finding what they are trying to tell you can create an opportunity the release the impact it may have on pain and stiffness in your body. Conversely using pain to ask what emotions am I holding can also help.

I am going to wrap up the series with a Tapping sequence to tie it together. Stay tuned. I look forward to helping you release pain and emotions that are keeping you stuck. In letting these emotions go, you will be able to move forward and create your life as a pain free, healthy being with plenty of energy to create and bring your visions to life.

Breathing Exercise for Back Pain

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http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-image-back-pain-athletic-woman-rubbing-her-back-pink-sportswear-standing-seaside-muscles-lower-cropped-torso-portrait-image31580351Low back pain can be a very chronic issue and it can also be acute. Either way, it is painful. It can take its toll on you and impact how you show up in your life. I know this not only because I hear it all the time but, also, because I have experienced it myself. So, I think if you suffer from low back pain, you will love the tips I share with you on today’s post.

As someone who has battled with her own back pain, I’ve tried many different things. I haven’t found one magic answer, but I’ve discovered some things that worked together very well. Understanding there is a relationship between mind, body and spirit has helped me to take different approaches when other things have offered limited relief. I’d like to explore 3 ways to alleviate and eliminate pain. Today we’re focusing on back pain, but what you learn will help with any pain.

The 3 different approaches that I have explored, and that have worked for me are physical, emotional and energetic. In this post, the focus is on the physical. You can have chiropractic care, practice yoga, work with a physical therapist or have private yoga therapy. All of these options work well together, and have different benefits they offer. Establishing a safe yoga practice has benefited me in many ways. By learning to tune into my own body and listening, I’ve learned when I need to back off certain poses, and adjust. This has helped me tremendously. It not only has helped me on the mat, it has served me well in life and business too.

This morning, I set a private intention for myself in yoga class that I wanted to release the pain and stiffness in my low back. And don’t you know, the teacher offered up lots of hip action today. By the end of the class, my low back felt better. There’s a direct connection from the sacrum, through your joints, down into your hips. And so, working on the hips and bringing some movement to my hips, actually did help take some of the pressure off my low back.

Our body system is a large community, and everyone contributes to the outcome. So while I was doing the poses, I also was very aware of my breath. And in particular, in sending love through my breath to my low back, and to my hips. So today I’d like to offer you a breathing exercise you can use for low back pain, hip stiffness, or any kind of pain you have in your body. It works really well.

Close your eyes and take some slow, deep breaths to ground yourself and get here. Be aware of your breath. Feel the breath move into your belly, filling up your belly, rising up your ribcage, even into your lungs; see if you can feel it in your mid back, your upper back, really bring this breath up into your throat, filling your upper body if you can, on your inhale.
Then, exhale slowly. As you exhale feel the breath in your body, and as you let go of your breath feel your body relaxing.
Breathe in fully. Then, relax and let go, surrendering into stillness and peace and relaxation.
Put your attention on your low back, and as you breathe in, breathe in love. Fill your entire sacrum and low back area with the energy of divine pure love and hold it there.
As you exhale, allow this love to reach and go into your hips. Breathe in love to your lower back. Exhale love and allow the breath and love to fill your hips. Breathe in love, and exhale love. Breathe in, hold it and then exhale, releasing it.
I actually started to do this meditation by breathing love into my heart, and breathing love out into the world. It is really powerful in calming your mind and your body, and it’s working on many levels. Today, because I was focusing on the pain that I was feeling in my low back, I thought I’d try to bring love into the area that needed it, and it was very effective.

I encourage you and invite you to sit with this for a 1 – 5 minutes, or as long as you need. Notice what’s happening. Notice the energy starting to move in your low back. Notice a release in relaxation taking place as you’re breathing into this space, and breathing in love, sending love through your body. Please, leave me a comment and let m

Why Is Change So Hard?

http://www.dreamstime.com/-image23658857Whether you are attempting to eliminate certain foods because of food allergy or sensitivity or wanting to institute an exercise program, let go of a bad habit, end a relationship, change how you spend the holidays or change the way you communicate, it can be very difficult to make these changes.  Often, we think if I just had more discipline or I tried harder, I could do this.  Or you may hear yourself saying,  “Why can’t I stop doing this?  I know what I should do, but…” This is not uncommon and you are not alone!  Change is not easy for anyone and here are some reasons why: 

You are creatures of habit.

It is not easy to break habits and patterns.  Some have been ingrained in you for a lifetime.  Everyone has a physiological and energetic level of comfort for what they know.  Even if at some level you want to change, at another level you are comfortable with what feels right to you.  That is why people get into relationships with the same type of people over and over again.  At an unconscious level this is what feels normal or comfortable, even though consciously it is unwelcome.

You are unconsciously triggered.

When you suffer a disappointment or losses at a young age or your needs were not met, and you have not cleared or healed them, you will find that situations, people, or words may trigger you.  Often you don’t know why or realize what’s happening.  One of my clients discovered that when her husband responded to her in a certain way, it subconsciously triggered a memory from her teenage years when her parents reproached her harshly for not living up to their expectations in a contest.  When we cleared that wounding, her husband no longer triggered her in the same way.

There is an emotional connection.

Sometimes there is an emotional connection to a person or time in your life.  The other day I helped a client see that her craving for carbohydrates helped her relive the feeling of safety and warmth she associated with her grandmother.  Since there was such a positive emotional connection of which she was unaware, it was impossible for her to stop those cravings and desires for foods she knew were making her feel unhealthy.

There is a benefit or it is serving you in some way.

Often we have no conscious awareness that we are actually benefitting by the very thing we wish to change.   I helped another who was often sick; see that although she wanted to feel healthy, she received a lot of fussing and attention from her husband when she did not feel well.  This was the most positive attention she received, so there was a part of her that did not want to lose that.  So once we cleared that belief and benefit, she began to create a different relationship with her husband that is much more rewarding.

There is an upper limit ceiling.

Everyone has a limit to which they feel they can be happy, healthy, loved, or abundant.  Did you ever hear yourself saying, things are going too well and you are waiting for something to go wrong?  Unconsciously you have a belief that things can only be so good or smooth or right in your life.

You are telling yourself the wrong messages.

Often when you are giving something up, you will remind yourself of how much you miss it, or why you don’t want to give it up.  If you are adding something in, it is easy to remind yourself that you are too busy, or it’s too hard, or you don’t enjoy it.  None of these will encourage you to make the change.  Instead try telling yourself that you are encouraged that by eliminating a food or beverage, that you will have more energy or feel less pain.  Tell yourself how good it feels to move, read, and meditate – whatever it is you are adding in.  The more you connect to the motivation behind why you are changing and remind yourself of this, the more chance you have to succeed.

You can see that discipline alone does not make for an easy change.  Look behind what is stopping you or making it difficult for you to embrace the change and what motivated you in the first place. I always encourage you to begin asking questions.  See what pops up for you, and see where you can begin identify emotions that are feeding your unconscious thoughts, responses, and reactions.  You can make changes in your life with ease when your conscious mind and unconscious mind are in alignment.

Tapping, (EFT) is a great way to access the unconscious and clear the energy of emotions associated with experiences in your life that are keeping you stuck or held hostage from making changes that you want or are advised to make.

Energy healing is also another way.  When you work with a healer who can access the information in your energy system and clear it for you, you experience more space and comfort to change things up.

With EFT or energy healing, I can help you identify what is blocking you from embracing the regiment or changes that your doctors are suggesting to you, so that you can quickly experience the health benefits of making those changes.  Whatever change you are seeking to make, it is possible, and we can help!

How Do You Recognize Fear?

I am going to be completely honest with you.  Even with all the energy healing, tapping, coaching and personal work I have done and continue to do, FEAR still shows up.  Fortunately, I know how to recognize it and have tools to handle it.  What I have found to be true for myself, my colleagues and my clients is that each time we step up our game, move outside our comfort zone or face a new challenge, fear will show up.

It can be frustrating, because it may be a fear that you have already cleared, worked through or thought you resolved.  AND YOU DID – to the level you were working or vibrating.

So I wanted to ask you, do you recognize fear when it calls to you?  Can you feel it in your body?  Do you hear a familiar stream of conversation running through your mind?  Do you notice that your behavior changes or you are more triggered than usual?

These are all clues that something needs your attention.  This is your intuition or higher self, speaking to you.   When you choose to listen, you can save yourself so much frustration and even allow things to flow more effortlessly.

Since I have decided to cultivate this relationship with my inner guidance, life has become even more joyful, healthy and abundant.  I am experiencing more ease and grace, and I would love for you to experience this too.  I have learned to balance between my logic and intuition. I know how to differentiate between a purity of truth that benefits my highest good, and old beliefs, thought patterns, and fear.

So I will share with you how I am recognizing and managing my most recent visit from FEAR, so that you too can begin this journey toward trusting your inner wisdom and guidance.

My body speaks to me – well actually it is spirit speaking through my body.  It tried very hard to get my attention more gently, and I wasn’t paying attention.   Now I do. I have also cultivated a relationship with my body to help me know when things are a “yes” or a “no” for me.  I teach others how to do this.  You can learn it too.  It has been invaluable in feeling confident in moving forward, making decisions and saying no.  Our bodies do not lie.  They are connected to source and spirit.  When we learn to access that spirit and listen, we will be guided toward choices for our highest and best. You can learn to access answers by tuning into your body, seeing visuals, using kinesiology and pendulums.  These methods work well for questions with a yes or no answer.  It is important to be clear with the question and the result you are seeking.

So what does all this have to do with fear? 

Recently, I discovered that fear shows up in my body resembling my “no”.  I had not made this distinction before.  I noticed there is a subtle difference between “fear” and “no” in communicating with me. For me, I realized they closely resemble each other because fear is a way of saying “no” in an attempt to keep me safe – safe from failure, from making a mistake, and from stepping outside of my comfort zone.  Do you know how you recognize fear?  Start paying attention – and you will soon know for sure.

An opportunity for me to rent space in a couple of existing businesses presented themselves.  Although, I have often thought I would like to practice out of an office, it was not something I had planned on doing anytime soon. Yet, spirit was nudging me toward this move letting me know it was time.  If I did not have the spiritual practice in place that I do, if I had not learned to recognize spirit or intuition speaking to me, and if I had not learned to trust this inner guidance, I may not have recognized it for what it is. I may also have allowed all the fear to win.

I also discovered that when things flow easily into place, it is a sign of affirmation.   However, I still have old fearful thoughts kick up with, “This is too easy.  Something must be wrong. “  This is and old belief that belongs to someone else that I took on as my own – until I began to create a new belief and the experiences to reinforce it, that things can be easy and when things flow effortlessly it is a sign that this is right for me.

I am grateful to my friends, colleagues and my husband who supported me through the fear and the decision-making, asking me questions, helping me run the numbers, tuning into to their own intuition on my behalf, and helping me face the fear.  They helped me bridge the gap between the logic and fear with intuition and trust.

So even though there is still some fear trickling through, I took the leap. I am going to trust all the signs that are showing me this is right. I am very grateful and excited to share with you that I have joined the team at Starry Brook Natural Medicine in Exeter, NH effective, October 1, 2013. It’s official and its real. My son, Brian and husband, Burt moved my things in. We will be fine tuning some details in the coming weeks, yet I am there now with a full schedule of classes, workshops, Tappy Hour and private sessions for tapping, chakra healing, intuitive readings and relationship coaching.  I am still offering distant healing, phone and Skype sessions as well as in office sessions.

I am excited to continue serving you in your quest for love, great relationships, accessing your inner wisdom, vibrant health (mind, body, and spirit) and stepping into and expressing your powerful self.

8 Steps for Resolutions That Last

With a new calendar year beginning, so many people are setting resolutions, yet unfortunately by February many of them will be a forgotten memory.  When we make resolutions, it is because we want something to change, so I thought we would examine change.  I have found that change happens when we surrender what is present and happening, rather than resisting it.

So often when I wished things would change, and they weren’t changing, I would remember this line. “If you aren’t happy with what you’ve got, how can you be happy with more?” When I was 16 years old, I received a card from my godmother.  I don’t remember the whole poem, but this line stood out and has guided me for the past 33 years.

Often I was focused on what was wrong, what wasn’t happening, what I wish were different, how I wished someone else was different, regretting choices I made, beating myself up for something I did or didn’t do, and the list goes on.  Most of the time I was unaware I was even doing this.

We all have dialogue that runs through our brains usually subconsciously and if you could watch it, it would look like a hamster running on the wheel in his cage, going nowhere.  That is what happens when we want something to be different yet our unconscious thoughts are playing re-runs of exactly what is upsetting us, or happening now.  Nothing changes.

The way to create change is to acknowledge what is happening in your life.  Visualize how you want it to be.  Let go of the energetic hold it has on you.  Create an affirming statement that you consciously repeat in your mind until it becomes natural and easy (to replace the old unconscious re-runs.)  Surrender to all that is already here and appreciate it all.  Acknowledge that at some level you have created this and give thanks that you can create something else. Gratitude is the best way to manifest change in your life.  Gratitude invites happiness.

Let’s focus on the emotion and attitude of happiness.  Happiness is a choice that you make.  Happiness is not when, but now.  It is not a destination that you reach.  It is a continual journey in which you participate.  It is not about being happy when something occurs; it is choosing to be happy now regardless. How many of you believe that you will be happy when you find a mate or when your husband changes, or when you make more money or when your child gets into the college of choice? I challenge you to be happy in spite of these things happening, be grateful for what is here, and focus on the outcome you DO desire. I guarantee you will notice positive changes in your life.

The law of attraction states that what you focus on expands.  Like attract likes.  Our thoughts are powerful.  They do create our reality.  However, it not just thinking alone that activates the law of attraction.  Feelings, emotions, and your vibrations are just as powerful, and they are all part of the complex mind-body system.  They all work together. Energy and action must feed your desire.  Energy in the form of beliefs, thoughts, emotions, attitude and action must be engaged.  You must also clear out the old energy that has become part of your subconscious thoughts, cells, and programming, so you can then replace it with the fresh conscious content.

How wonderful it is to live in happiness! It begins with you.  Develop a happy relationship with yourself and you will easily develop happy relationships with others, and naturally enjoy a happier life. How’s that for surrender?

So how do you start feeling happy if you don’t?  Begin by being grateful for all your experiences.  Be aware of how much you have no matter how hopeless things may seem.  There is always a reason to feel grateful and to smile.  Emotional energy generates the momentum of attracting what you want.  So if you are feeling sad, angry, cheated, disappointed, resentful, or worried, guess what you will continue to see in your life?  Yes, experiences will continue to show up over and over again that reflect the attention.

So, wouldn’t you prefer to experience joyful people and situations? A few years ago I was living in a beautiful home with a wonderful man who is now my husband.  However it was not in the town that I considered “home” or where I wanted to live.  I was an hour away from my children who were in their early twenties and I felt homesick.  The more I thought about how much I didn’t want to live in this town anymore, the more unhappy I felt and the more distant I felt from my children.  Also, I was continually pushing Burt to remember the deal we made about moving to the Seacoast and forcing the issue.

Fortunately I realized that I was not practicing the steps I share below.  So here’s what happened. I surrendered to the moment and to the situation.  I acknowledged how blessed I was to live in this house.  We had recently renovated it. It was comfortable and spacious.  We had a large deck and back yard. It was a lovely neighborhood.  I enjoyed the time I spent with my husband.  I accepted how fortunate I was and realized how many people would love to be living here.

Then I let go of the energy I was holding where my children were concerned.  Rather than focusing on having to live near them, I felt how wonderful it was to have a loving relationship where we saw each other often, communicated easily and enjoyed each other.  This is what was important to me.

Lastly, I stopped pressuring my partner about selling his house and moving.  I began to enjoy our life together without imposing conditions of how it should be.  I visualized a home that was comfortable for both our families to visit, where we entertained often and was filled with love and invitation.  I engaged the following practices.

Here are some simple things you can do now to surrender to what is, embrace happiness and make changes in your life.

1. Choose to be happy.  Wake up each morning, look in the mirror, and Declare, “I choose to be happy. I choose to see all things through the eyes of love.”  Repeat this phrase often throughout the day.

2. Practice an attitude of gratitude.  Start a gratitude journal.  Every day write in it 3 things for which you are grateful.  You will begin to see things shift.

3. Look for the gift in every situation.  Everything happens for a reason, and everything that happens, we have created on some level.  So ask yourself, “What is the gift in this?  Even if I cannot see it now, I choose to believe there is gift and I will see it.”

4. Lose your judgments.  Rather than seeing things as good or bad, right or wrong, ask these questions instead.  You don’t even have to know the answers.  “How can it get any better than this?  What is else is possible?  You can also say when you have a judgment, “That’s an interesting point of view.”

5. Do something kind without expecting anything in return.  Random acts of kindness generate good will and happiness.

6. Practice self-care and self-love.  If you are not feeding your soul, fueling your body, and seeding your mind with positive, healthy, loving energy, it is more challenging to remain upbeat, energized and happy.  You also have less to offer others.

7. Clean out the energetic toxic sludge. Weed your negative, self-limiting beliefs.  You would be surprised how much you have taken on energetically, perceptually, and experientially since being in your mother’s womb and in your cumulative lifetime.  Challenge what you believe and think and clear out what does not belong to you.  The more you stand in your own space, the more powerful you can effect change.

8. Smile often.  Try being unhappy with a smile on your face.  You cannot even think a negative thought when you smile.  You feel better.  The people who see your smile feel better.  You surrender to all that is joyful and loving when you smile.  You experience change in that moment. That is powerful.

It is a perfect time to change.  Right now. In this moment, you can decide to be happy, be grateful, surrender to the present with grace, acceptance and ease and you will see your life change for the better.

So what changed for me?  My sons began calling and visiting more often.  My daughter had already been visiting often, and she started to spend the night frequently.  Within a few months, Burt decided that since we would be spending a month at the sea, it was a great time to look for a house.  He felt that it would be easier to sell his house if he had one he wanted to move into.

In less than a year of making this change in my thinking, we were living in a beautiful old house on a wooded lot less than a mile from the sea.  It was the perfect space to host both his family and mine.  It has been filled with family and friends since the day we moved in.  We are now happily married and have hosted 2 weddings and many celebrations.  We enjoy a balance between time alone, together and varying degrees of visitors.  Yes, change happens when you surrender.

So I invite you right now to choose happiness and love to be your intention and to guide you through your resolutions.

Listen to this and more on January 1, 2013 archived episode of Planting Seeds of Love – Starting the New Year with Realistic Expectations

From Dreadful Dates To Delightful Insight

For so many women, dating is a dreaded word.  One bad date after another leads them to choosing between loneliness and hopelessness.  Yet how else are you supposed to meet Prince Charming?  Dreaming he will charge in on his white horse and sweep you away hasn’t worked.  What’s an intelligent woman to do?

Develop a different perspective on dating.  Look at dating as research and development.  Every date that you have actually offers you valuable insight into creating the vision of your ideal man.  I know what you are thinking – just the opposite.  Actually dating is teaching you clearly what you do not want in man, ever!  That’s great information.  The problem is that you are not seeing this as the nuggets of gold that they are.  What you are focusing on is the dirty charcoal naughty children find in their stocking on Christmas morning.

Dating is where you learn more about yourself than you probably want to know.  It’s about YOU, not the guy.  With every date you are developing a clearer vision of who you are, what you want, how you feel.  It is an opportunity to practice being a person that may be difficult for you.  For example, one of my clients shared this story with me after one of her first dates.

“He was very sweet.  We went to a lovely restaurant for brunch and I really enjoyed talking with him.  But he really turned me off when he picked me up and tried to kiss me as he opened the door of his car for me to get in.  All afternoon, he tried to hold my hands, or put his arm around me.  I have no intention of going out with him again.”

She is coming out of a relationship with someone she cared deeply for, and although the healing and lessons of that experience are unfolding, she thought she would try dating again.  I asked Patty if she had told the man that she did not feel comfortable with his physical touches, especially since they had only just met.  She had not.  Patty finds it difficult to speak up and express her needs.  That was a perfect opportunity for her to speak up.  In order for her to attract and be with a man who listens to her and values her needs, she must learn to ask. Dating is chance for her to practice.  The worst thing that happens on a date is that the man ignores her requests.  So, he has given her great information that he does not value her or needs.  No more dates.  Or, he may apologize.  Perhaps no one has told him that is offensive.  Maybe his prior girlfriend enjoyed that.  I agree it was inappropriate on a first date.  But again, it’s not about him.  It’s about Patty.  If he respected her request, she may have enjoyed the date more, and found that she wanted to see him again.  If not, she learned to speak and be heard.  It will be easier next time.

Through dating you learn things about what is important to you that you may not even had thought about.  Another client, Anita, was recounting how she felt after 2 dates with different men last weekend.  “In 2 days with different men, I felt more relaxed and comfortable and did things I really enjoyed.  In 3 years with my ex, I never felt that good.”

That was powerful affirmation for Anita.  She tends to make herself fit into the life and space of the men that she dates. The real jewel was what she discovered after I helped her see this next piece differently.

“I had the best day with this guy.  We went for a bike ride, than sat for a long time on rock in the middle of the pond and talked about everything. He made me laugh. He was attentive and sweet. But, OMG, we stopped by his house for a minute and he had no screens in his house.  His teenage sons were there and the house was a mess!  I couldn’t possibly see him again.”

The week before Anita had dated a man whose home felt like a showpiece.  She could not even envision herself ever being comfortable there.

Anita had experienced two extreme examples of men in their homes.  After much probing, on my part, Anita finally saw that what she wanted in a man was someone who could either welcome her into his home where they could then create a space together or find their own place.  She also values a man who has pride in his home, and either is handy and enjoys keeping a home well-maintained or can afford to keep it in great shape.  She also prefers a home that is relaxed and inviting rather than so put together, you are afraid to walk in and touch anything.

Now there is some clarity for my girl.  We also pulled lots of other great nuggets about her ideal man, relationship and life.

See, dating isn’t so bad after all when you start to lessen the expectations and pressure of it having to be perfect and hoping that this guy will be the one.

So, let’s look at 3 steps to help you see your dating duds differently.

1.Lighten the load of expectation.  You are spending time with another human being.  You have a chance to connect, learn something new about the world and yourself.  You also never know how this person may add value to your life.  Go out with an open mind and heart.  See with objective eyes, rather than critical ones.

2. Develop a practice of contrast.  For every complaint that you have about the man, the date, the experience – turn every one around to create a positive statement of what would be ideal for you instead.

3. Sit in the joy of your new awareness.  Knowing what you want is only the first step to manifest it.  It is feeling it, seeing it.  Your mind does not know the difference between a real experience and an imagined one.  So, create the perfect date in your mind, be specific with the new information you discovered.  Add in details of what you already know.  Feel happy, light and excited to be that much closer to finding your Mr. Right.

Cheri has devoted her life to perfecting the art and science of creating and cultivating relationships that are passionate and thriving. She is a trusted mentor to men and women who came close to giving up on love, and with her guidance found the confidence and energy to attract and enjoy long lasting love and fulfilling relationships through conscious creation just as she has done. For your free 6 Step Blueprint to Manifest Your Perfect Mate, visit www.CheriValentine.com.

Oh The DREAD of Valentine’s Day!

Sadie Jackson, a fictional heroine, is back on the dating scene for the third time. After two trial marriages, she is bound and determined to get it right. She can be nauseatingly optimistic and enjoys recounting her dating experiences with humor and compassion. Follow her dating escapades in this work of fiction. 

It’s here again!  That dreaded day of hearts, chocolates and flowers!  How unoriginal, how boring, how lonely!  Here I am, facing another romantic love holiday – Valentine’s Day with no one special in my life to celebrate this day with me. How did another year come and go without Prince Charming sweeping me away to the land of never ending love.  As much as I used to believe in the magic of romance and finding a man that will love me forever, I am beginning to have some serious doubts.

I think it just may be easier in the end to adjust to my life alone rather than this awful rollercoaster ride of anticipation expectation, and disappointment.  It’s not like I am really alone.  I have a son in Alaska – he loves it there, though for the life of me I cannot fathom why.  We email and Skype and see each other occasionally.  There is my best friend, Lindy.  There are lots of friends, co-workers, family – but that is not the same as having a man to share my life with. I really want a man, and I am about ready to give up – No, I did not say that.  Sadie never gives up, although it may be time.

This year though, I think I will try something new.  What could I do that would give me some measure of pleasure and spread some love.  After all, who says that Valentine and Cupid have to be about romance?  What if I just reached out and loved someone who is as lonely as I am.  We could be lonely together – HA!  Better yet, maybe we could find some joy instead.  I must be getting soft in my head.  Where are these thoughts coming from?

“Hey, Lindy, I think something is terribly wrong with me.”  I whined into the telephone.

“What’s wrong, Sadie?’  Asked Lindy, my dearest of friends.

“Well, I am actually considering doing something nice for someone on Valentine’s Day instead of enduring the absence of Prince Charming or hoping for an invite from anyone just to escape being alone on Valentine’s Day,” I explained.

“Sadie, that’s a great idea!  There are so many things you could do.  Go to a nursing home and visit with all the people there who have no one to celebrate the day with. “

“That’s not quite what I was hoping for, Lindy.  Got any other ideas?”

“Why don’t you invite your other single friends over?  Have everyone bring a dish.  Play some inspiring music and you could each write a love letter to the man you are waiting for.  You know write them as if they are already here and you are celebrating that love in writing.”

“Lindy, where in the name of Cupid did you get that crazy idea?  That’s the silliest thing I have ever heard!” I remarked to my well-meaning friend.

“You know Sadie, I heard that from a love coach, and it wouldn’t hurt you be open to something new.  How’s what you have been doing working, by the way?”  Lindy is my friend and she can be brutally honest to a fault.

“Point taken, and I am open to something new which is why we are having this conversation.  Come on Lindy, help me think of something,” I pleaded.

“I’ve got it” Lindy shouted.  Didn’t your grandmother pass away this year?”

“Yes, and how is that sad reminder helping?”

Lindy replied calmly, “I would bet that your grandfather is really missing your grandma and his first Valentine’s without her will probably be really hard for him.”

“Great, so now there are two of us wallowing in our misery.  Lindy, are you trying to annoy me?”

“Hear me out, Ms Wench,” she scolded.

“I bet your grandfather would love a visit from you.   Ask him to tell you about how he met your grandmother. He will be so delighted to have the company and to relive the fond memories he had with his wife.  It will be nice for you hear it.”

I hated to admit it, but that wasn’t such a bad idea. I never have heard his side of the story.  To be quite honest I wasn’t quite sure how my grandmother managed to stay with him all those years, and I pretty much had told her that many times.  It had never occurred to me to talk my grandfather about their relationship.

“You know, Lindy, that might just be something I consider.  I will bring the fixings over and cook a nice meal for the two of us, and ask him about my grandma from his vantage point.  Thanks, you always come through,” I said gratefully.

And it wasn’t so bad.  Actually, my grandfather was thrilled for the company and the chance to reminisce.  He did love his wife, and he had me laughing at some of his antics trying to get her attention in the beginning.  He told me about some of the tough times they went through, and how my grandmother stood her ground on a few occasions, once she even threw one of her high heels at his head as he ran racing out of the room escaping her wrath.

“Grandmother?  No way!”  I exclaimed in disbelief.

“Oh yes!” he said with great delight.  “There wasn’t much she let me get away with.  That woman knew how to stand her ground when I was misbehaving in her eyes.”

This was not a side I remember seeing of my grandmother.  I wish she were here to corroborate.  Yet, if that is how he saw it, who am I to question it.  That would have been a good time for me to kiss him, and end the evening.

Oh, how I wish I had.

I so did not need to hear about their love life as in sex life.  EW EW EW!!  My ears are still ringing and I cannot erase the images of my two grandparents in back of their station wagon in a park in their late seventies.  There are just some things I do not need to know!  That is one of them.

So another Valentine’s Day disaster – at least this one didn’t make me cry, just cringe!

And to be honest, aside from the ending, it was one of the best Valentine’s I can remember, but please do not tell anyone that I said that!


 

Breathing Life Into Your Soul Mate

How do you begin your day?  Do you jump out of bed, dash to the gym, and then rush to work from there?  When the alarm wakes you from slumber, do you give yourself a moment before the mad rush of your day takes over?  You have so many responsibilities between work and family.  Most of the time you are rushing from one place to the next without stopping, then fall into bed exhausted at the end of the day, or lie awake with your thoughts spinning with all you did not get done.  Who has time to find Mr. Wrong, let alone Mr. Right?

I’d like to suggest that you try something new.  Let him find you.  Put the Law of Attraction to work for you. Wake ten minutes earlier each day.  For those ten minutes, breathe slowly and deeply.  As you do this, smile and feel the pleasure in your body and mind.  You are giving yourself several gifts in these ten minutes.

You are filling your body with nourishing breath, releasing tension and relaxing your body and mind. At the same time, you are also energizing your cells bringing the deep fresh oxygen in and taking toxins out.   You are also setting your day in a positive way.  You will be centered, relaxed, and energized from a sense of calm rather than a frenzied mad dash.   You are creating healthy cells for a healthy body.  You do want to feel great when you meet Mr. Right, don’t you?

‘This is all well and good, but how is breathing deeply at the start of my day going to help me find Mr. Right?’ you may be thinking.   The answer is simple.  While you are breathing you will be focusing your attention on that which you are creating, in this case a loving and healthy relationship to enjoy. You will be feeling how wonderful this is and expressing gratitude for the opportunity to invite love into your life.  This will trigger joy in your body, and you will begin your day in a happier state.  Over time you will experience this happiness through more of your day.  Happy people attract happy people.

More importantly, by deep breathing and focusing on your breath, you quiet your mind from the constant chatter of thoughts that reside there.  So your mind is receptive to new thoughts, which translates into a newer energy.   You are less resistant to holding onto the old non-supporting thoughts that go unnoticed most of the day, yet take up residence in your energy body and mind and create your experiences.

You will program your sub conscious with loving thoughts of being ready for love. After several slow, deep breaths, begin repeating, “I am love.  I am ready for love.”  As you exhale repeat, “I am love. I am ready for lasting love.”  Use any affirming words that resonate with you.  Do this for ten minutes every morning, and raise that energetic flag to the universe to send this message of readiness to your soul mate.

You are engaging your energy in a positive and loving way.  You are speaking to your subconscious mind and creating a new thought pattern, which will create new pathways in your brain. These pathways create a network that spreads into your cells, creating new cellular memory. In addition, activating all of these energies in your mind and body raises your vibration and this energy is felt in the universe.

That’s why it is so important to be mindful of our thoughts and feelings.  What we put out is what we receive.  By activating the feeling and visualizing being in love and happy in a healthy relationship you begin to create that reality by design.  Beginning each day in stillness, breath and visualization meditation is one way to do this.

So stop chasing after Mr. Right and start activating your energetic attraction tower to invite him home to you.

You can check out the many benefits of deep breathing in the article, “18 Benefits of Deep Breathing and How to Breathe Deeply?”.  Another more in depth article boasting the health benefits, is Deep breathing — the truly essential exercise.

 

to your love,

How I finally had healthy relationships, found myself, and my ideal love partner

My own personal healing and growth in the physical, spiritual and emotional realm has been greatly enhanced by practicing EFT regularly.  I have invested in working with several highly qualified and trained EFT coaches who have facilitated my own healing and growth in many areas of my own life, including love and relationships.  I have trained and continue to train as an EFT practitioner because I am so impressed by the quality of results that I receive personally and that my clients experience.  I am not sure which awes me more – my own transformation and healing  – or those of my clients.  Yet, I am continually impressed with the results.

I absolutely attribute using EFT in finally releasing the blocks that kept me from letting the right man into my heart, mind and life.  Using all the other steps in my 6 step blueprint also made the difference, but it was in doing all the other steps that I was able to see where my blocks were, where healing and release was needed, and tapping has moved me forward and continues to do so.

So what is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)?

EFT is a gentle coaching technique that helps you to release the past and create your future.   A “unique form of acupuncture without the needles,” that uses the ancient Chinese meridian system combined with energy psychology, EFT can offer relief from negative emotions, trauma, fears and many physical symptoms.

EFT balances the energy system with a gentle tapping procedure on the face and body, which stimulates designated meridian endpoints to increase the flow of qui or energy.

EFT is a highly effective method of reducing the impact of trauma and stressful events from our lives eliminating doubt, fear, and beliefs that are a result of the unconscious patterns in our life as well as the conscious experiences that have contributed to the thoughts that cause these beliefs, ideas and concepts that often keep us stuck from moving forward.

EFT is very powerful for eliminating unconscious emotional distress that gets in the way of your being happy, moving forward, and making choices that support you.  You can tap on any emotional, feeling, belief or thought that causes you distress – anger, sadness, doubt, fear, being stuck – contraction in any state. It will move you toward expansion, joy and freedom – to LOVE.

Gary Craig, a Stanford Engineer, ordained Minister and Personal Performance Coach founded EFT.   It is because of him, and his visionary gift, that we are able to practice, teach, and share EFT worldwide today.

Ingrid Dinter had the honor to film and train with Gary in many workshops all over the United States, and to witness his amazing gifts and generosity first hand.  I have had the privilege to be coached and trained in EFT by Ingrid and I am eternally grateful to her for the loving and intuitive guidance in my personal and group tapping sessions, and  for her passionate teaching of EFT to professionals so we can share our expertise with the world. I am in her year long VIP Mentoring program for EFT certification with AAMET.

It was through Ingrid’s love, friendship, mentoring and support that I was able to move through the pile of S#@T inside of me that was stopping me from loving myself and letting others love me too.  She showed me how powerful tapping and EFT can be and that I had a gift to share not only with EFT but with my relationship and love coaching.  She has been my loudest cheerleader and special friend. Thank you Ingrid!

I also want to acknowledge and thank Pamela Bruner and Margaret Lynch,  two other amazing EFT experts who have helped me in my personal journey.  Although I had the love and personal relationships piece conquered, two issues were roaring for my attention – my relationship with sales and marketing and money.

Pamela Bruner, is my business coach and her intuitive and gifted expertise in EFT has helped me in ways I can not even describe.  I am truly grateful to her guidance and support.  Being one of her private clients and members of her mastermind has provided me much needed support in bringing my gifts to the world of single professionals who are single and sick of it.

I have participated in group tele-classes with Margaret Lynch and two of her home study courses.  Being an energy healer myself, and incorporating chakra work into my tapping for love, I gained tremendous value with Margaret focusing on money and the chakras.  I love Margaret’s work and hope to someday co-create workshops with her.  Money and Love – 2 biggest challenges!

Another source for me in my own personal growth, healing and success as well as sharpening my own coaching and EFT skills is The Tapping World Summits hosted and created by Jessica Ortner and her brothers, Nick and Alex.  I have joined in every year and purchase them each year.  There is a wealth of information provided and the spectrum of professionals and applications for tapping is phenomenal.  The Ortners are pioneers in the vast exposure of EFT.

Why have I shared these resources with you?

Because I am so grateful for the results in my life and with my clients incorporating EFT into my full spectrum programs, it is important for me to acknowledge and thank them and also to share them with you.  We all have different needs and challenges. Healing and  growth is not a one time only deal.  It is life long, and finding the right fit is instrumental in achieving your goals.  Having support is also vital to your success.  As you can see I have support in many ways, and these are just the ones I am sharing in regards to tapping and EFT.  I would  not be who I am or where I am without the supportive communities I have chosen to be surrounded by or if I had not invested in my happiness and love.

I feel it is important to offer the following disclaimer about EFT:

While we have received many reports concerning the benefits of EFT, we do not claim that the results described in the many testimonials and other success stories included on this website and on our videos and other recordings are typical of what EFT users experience, and we do not represent that you will achieve the same or similar success. Indeed, you may receive no benefit whatsoever.

If you are to practice EFT on your own for major trauma or issues, please make sure that you are in a safe and supportive environment and that help is nearby should you need it.   Ideally seek the guidance and expertise of a trained EFT professional.

 

The best way to understand EFT is to experience it.  Click here for a complimentary session to discover how Cheri and EFT can benefit you 

Download the tapping points and basic steps for EFT:

eft tapping points

EFT Steps

Watch a video on learning EFT

 

Power, Strength, Royalty, Feminine and Love

In mediation class last night, we ended with looking at creative rings in our energy fields for next steps and the integration of the creative rings which represent our body, mind, and spirit – Thank you Seven Levels Coaching.

I was intrigued with what I saw – a dark shadow of a man in a cowboy hat leaning on his side and tipping his greeting towards me – “Interesting, and WHAT?”  were my  reactions.  I stayed with it.  Then I saw the majestic beautiful elephant which I have been so drawn to in the past months, especially since reading “Water for Elephants.”  The intelligence and especially the emotional intelligence of this beautiful animal just spoke to my heart in a way it never has.

In my mediation vision, the elephant appeared raising it trunk and placing a foot on the dark figure of the man.  “Okay, now this is intriguing and WHAT?”  I questioned again.  I have learned to sit with my visions, ask my questions, and trust the answer and message will unfold if I it does instantly makes sense or reveal itself to me.

I immediately googled, “Elephant Symbolism” and settled on the post I will share with you.  I just read it, and so many answers are clear to me.  I will do my best to briefly describe my own connection and awareness of what seeing the elephant and dark shadow of man were revealing to me when I asked, “What is the integration of the body, mind, and spirit creative rings expressing?”

First, confirmation of the personal and professional journey in which I travel.  My path has been one of connection with true highest self and highest power.  This has included:

1.  My own healing from complete disability from Lyme Disease and Fibromyalgia (which continues)

2.  Attracting the partner in life who is perfect for me in a way that I consciously spent creating and cultivating after 2 divorces.

3.  Reviving my relationships with my children, and family members and truly being a loving energy that is mutually supportive and serving.

4. Holding the space and connection for my extended families and core family.

6.  Offering my experience and wisdom to those who are ready to invite love into their lives in all the glorious ways that it exists, and especially to share enjoy their life with their idea of a soul mate, while also enjoying empowering relationships in other areas of their life, and to find and stay in their own power.

7.  Making a difference in the lives of children by teaching them what powerful creators they are, and helping their parents create the foundation for modeling healthy, loving relationships.

What all this has in common is me – knowing and understand me – what is important to me, what is my purpose and my passions, what makes me tick, who am I am here to serve, and what messages am I to share.  What is right for me, so that I can be centered and fly at the same time and live my highest truth and allow others to do the same.  I wanted to make sense of my life so that I could allow it to unfold more purposefully, powerfully, passionately and to manifest what I desire.  I love to teach, to speak to collaborate to share, to bring people together in love.

When I am strong in ME it makes for a powerful WE!  This is true for everyone!  We are connected and one.  When we stand firm in our individuality

we offer more to the collective

partnerships complement

relationships thrive

What I understand in the image I saw and in reading the following article,  is that I am on the right path, and I am also reminded where I still have work to do.

In another post, I will share with you more of my personal growth and areas where I have been working in the energies of the feminine and masculine – a favorite topic of mine.

I hope that you enjoy the following article as well as my post, and that if either resonates with you in any way, you will share that with me, on facebook, or with your friends – together we reach higher.

http://speakerfortheanimals.blogspot.com/2006/04/elephant-symbol-of-highest-true-self.html

With love,

Finding Mr, Mrs Or Ms Right – Be Passionate About You

So many men and women tell me they want a mate in their life. Some just do not want to be alone. Others think it will make their life easier. While many others just want to have someone with whom to share their life. How many of you have considered the possibility of sharing yourself? I believe at the deepest of levels we as humans, are made to connect and not to be alone. However, I also believe that in order to truly connect with another person, we must first be connected to ourselves. We must know who we are at all levels, accept and love what is there. It’s not just me who believes this, ask any dating or relationship coaches, and they will tell you the same.

When we take the time to know what is important to us, to tap into our heart and embrace our passions, we have so much more to offer someone else. When we are willing to offer the whole of ourselves with honesty and trust, then we attract someone who also is willing to do the same. When we are living our lives fully, embracing all that life has to offer we are sending a message of happiness and gratitude to the world. The universe responds in kind. What you put your attention on grows stronger in your life, so if your attention is on lack, need, loneliness, rather than on contentment, acceptance, and passion then don’t be surprised with the results.

Being alone is an opportunity to embrace the beauty of who you are, to see the gift of yourself, to enjoy your own company, to find what makes you tick, to discover what you are most passionate about in this life.

Being alone is a gift to yourself to fine-tune what it means to live your life whether alone or with another. If you do not enjoy your own company, how in the world do you expect someone else to enjoy you?

If you are bored and lonely and cannot see the joy in this moment regardless of what you are doing or who you are with, then what makes you think someone else can change that for you? When you are clear about who you are and what is important to you, and put attention on those things, your life will be fulfilling and rewarding.

When I was a teenager, I received a card with the following line included as part of the poem, “If you are not happy with what you’ve got, how can you be happy with more?” This makes so much sense to me and has been a reminder for me all these years to be present and grateful for whom I am and what I have whenever I find myself complaining.

Are you excited about sharing yourself with another who complements you, or are you desperate to share your life with someone? Can you see the difference between the two? In the first you are present, alive, whole, and very attractive, confident that you will wait for the right one. In the second you are sad, wanting, needing, and willing to take anyone. Who would you rather BEE- attractive and confident or needy and desperate? Conversely what kind of mate do you want to attract? Be the love you are seeking and you will find it.

If you are not happy with yourself and your life, how will you attract a mate who is happy with themselves or with you, for that matter?

Two happy people create a happy couple.

Take the time alone to get to know who you are, your values, your passions, and what is important to you. Enjoy you! Love you! Embrace you! Then get ready for magic.

I LOVE my life!! I love my family Sunday dinners! My perfect day includes walking on the beach. I love meeting my friends for our weekly lunch. The rock climbing group I joined rocks! I’ve reconnected to my love of art and sketch twice weekly. Attitude of Gratitude. The perfect partner for me laughs easily and often. We spend quality time together. My perfect partner listens with an open heart and mind. My perfect mate loves to cook and entertain. My perfect mate is an engaged parent, yet sets healthy boundaries for his kids. I love that my partner respects my need for alone time. We enjoy taking pictures of nature together.

Cheri Valentine is your love connection expert. She specializes in guiding busy professional leaders and business owners to find long lasting love to enjoy as much happiness and success in their personal lives as they do in their career. Cheri’s philosophy inspired love by design combined with her strong, supportive nature is reflected in her signature coaching programs. She believes everyone deserves to love and be loved unconditionally, to experience life passionately and to forge happy and healthy relationships. Cheri’s own efforts to make sense of her ended marriages and relationships fueled her determination to get it right, be happy and find the right partner. She has succeeded and recently married her perfect mate. She wants to show you how she did it, and how you can, too, just like the many men and women she has helped to find love. Visit www.CheriValentine.com for your FREE 4 step kit to Attract Your Perfect Mate.

Stop Looking for Your Type

You think you know your type. In fact, you are sure of it. You have actually dated them, perhaps even married them – more than once on both counts. So, let me ask you, if you know your type so well, why are you still looking for Mr. Right?

Get over your type and open your mind, your feelings, and your experiences to seeing who may be right for you. If knowing your type were working so well, you would not be looking. With that harsh realty acknowledged and accepted, are you ready to move on?

Of course, there is the other side of the coin. He’s NOT my type. As well as you think you know your type, you also think you know who is not your type. This is as a big a problem in my opinion as knowing who your type is.’

Let me share this with you. If I had continued to judge potential dates by types, I would not now be married to the most amazing man and someone who is so perfect for me. I had started to date all kinds of men and learned how interesting, funny, intelligent, caring men can be. I also learned what it felt like to be with men – it was different, than what I thought my type was.

I am so glad that I got out of my own way, finally, and just trusted in the process of knowing the qualities, characteristics, attributes, personality, and way of being together that was right for me. This took time, reflection and making sense of my past relationships. It was worth it.

I am so happy that I stopped looking for my type, and began to open myself to possibilities. Now I am happily married to someone who I could have easily dismissed as ‘not my type.’

Chemistry grows over time and is based on many factors. Yet, so many women dismiss potential men because they don’t “feel” it right away. If you are basing a lifetime of happiness on whether or not your heart jolts at first sight, you are selling yourself short and missing out on many opportunities.

Give a man and yourself a chance to interact, talk, and know him before you decide there is no chemistry. The other thing to keep in mind is that we often gravitate to what we know and feels comfortable to us on a subconscious level. Yet, if that were working so well, you would not be single and looking.

It takes courage to try something new and break out of your comfort zone. People, who do, often tell me how happy they are. There is a whole world waiting for you that you don’t even know exists and that includes amazing relationships with men. How will you know unless you give it a try?

Sounds easy. Yet if it were, we’d all be with our perfect partners. Divorce would be non-existent. Online dating sites and agencies would not exist and there would be far less singles. As Lord Chesterfield eloquently has said, “You must look into other people as well as at them.” Look into their good, their gifts, and see them. Give yourself and the people you meet this gift and watch the quality of your relationships improve.

Then watch the quality of the men you meet improve. Love is not easy, yet it is glorious when you find it. Open yourself to the possibility of love in people and places you might not expect. Mr. Right is waiting for you.

By the way, for you men this applies equally to you! Your perfect lady is waiting for you to recognize her.

Cheri Valentine is your love connection expert. She specializes in guiding busy professional leaders and business owners to find long lasting love to enjoy as much happiness and success in their personal lives as they do in their career. Cheri’s philosophy inspired love by design combined with her strong, supportive nature is reflected in her signature coaching programs. She believes everyone deserves to love and be loved unconditionally, to experience life passionately and to forge happy and healthy relationships. Cheri’s own efforts to make sense of her ended marriages and relationships fueled her determination to get it right, be happy and find the right partner. She has succeeded and recently married her perfect mate. She wants to show you how she did it, and how you can, too, just like the many men and women she has helped to find love.

Wanting Vs Ready to Be in Love

So many people want to be in love. It’s a great place to be when it is healthy and satisfying your requirements, needs, and wants. Yet so few people are really clear about what these are for them. If you’ve been in relationships that have ended, and you have allowed yourself time for grieving, letting go, understanding of how you both contributed to the dynamics, and living your life in the present with joy then you are more ready to be in love than with someone who has not.

There is a difference between wanting to be in love and ready to be in love. Wanting to be in love implies a longing without taking responsibility for what being in love really entails for you and your life. It’s a desire or a wish for someone else to come in and make your life better, or fill in a void. Often there is a chasing or settling quality about your experience, and often results in unsatisfactory relationships, and often you rely solely on physical chemistry to guide you. When you want to be in love, you are not necessarily ready to be in love.

Ready to be in love means that you have taken the time to heal from past experiences. You have also examined these experiences for understanding and clarity in moving forward to what is right for you. You have taken responsibility for your life, relationships and how you’ve shown up in them. You are enjoying your life, clear about who you are, what you want and willing to balance your head and heart in making choices about love. When you are ready for love, rather than the experience stem from falling or hoping. It is rooted in choice, which in my opinion is far healthier.

Take a moment to look at your motives and actions towards dating, love, and relationships. Ask yourself the following questions: Do you want to be in love just for love’s sake? How will being in love improve or alter your life? What do you bring to the equation? Is something missing from your life that you hope being in love will fix? What steps can you take to feel confident that you are ready and willing to be in the love with the perfect person for you?

As an Energy and Relationship Coach, Cheri Valentine has successfully guided both men and women in their quest to grow joyful hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. Whether you want to attract a new relationship, improve one that exists, or just enjoy the one with self, Cheri is able to assist you on your personal transformation to Love. For a free guide in attracting and creating your perfect relationships and life, visit http://www.InspiredConnexions.com

What Do I Talk About On A First Date?

If you haven’t been on the dating field in awhile, it can be daunting to get started again. Even for seasoned professionals, that first date can be so awkward and uncomfortable. The most common complaint that I hear is, “I don’t know what to say.”

If you get tongue-tied when faced with new situations, or opposite a date, here’s some tips to help ease the way.

First of all, lose the expectation that this will be “the one” and the worry of “What if I don’t like him?” or worse, “What if he doesn’t like me?” It may be a great experience, or not. Most likely it will be somewhere in between. Relax and enjoy the gift of spending time with another human being.

Ask open-ended questions that will elicit responses other than yes, or no. Example, rather than asking, “What do you do for work?” ask, “What do you most enjoy about your work?” Here’s a list of questions that you can have at your ready:

  • What are the three favorite places you have visited?
  • If you go anywhere in the world, where would that be and why?
  • What are your favorite activities or how do you most enjoy spending your time?
  • What are your top three movies of all time, and what is that makes them your favorite?
  • Who are the most important people in your life?
  • If you could meet anyone in the world, who would it be and why?

Remember to also have answers yourself so that you can share a bit about you. You don’t want to shoot off questions like a firing squad, go with the flow of the conversation. However, if you get stuck, it’s nice to have some backup ammunition to keep the conversation going. If you’ve got your top 5 List for your perfect Mate, you can ask questions, or make comments to illicit responses to help you gage if those qualities are present. Now, if you are a die- hard republican and will not even entertain the possibility of a marrying a democrat, there are some tactful ways of finding out his views without flat out asking him, and ending the conversation then and there.

Being prepared with stories of your own that reflect who you are, your values, and what’s important to you, will ease your tension on those first dates.

Learn to be comfortable with a little silence. Remember you can always smile at those times. I also suggest keeping a first date to under an hour, and making that clear before you meet. If things go well, you will have a reason to meet again. If not, you know there is an easy end in sight.

After your date, evaluate how it went. Make note of the positives, and if something was not right, then ask yourself what would be more perfect next time. The more you focus on what you want, what is comfortable, the more you will experience it. Before your date, take several deep slow breaths, look in the mirror and smile at yourself, and express gratitude for the opportunity practice the art of conversation.

If your LOVE LIFE seems tasteless and what you are doing is NOT WORKING, it’s time to spice it up and add some new ingredients to the mix! As a Love Strategist, EFT and Energy Coach, and creator of 90 Days 2 Love Attraction Collaborative, Cheri Valentine has been cooking up recipes for attracting ideal relationships. She has successfully guided men and women in becoming master chefs in Relating, Dating & Mating on a transformational journey to love that is perfect for them.

Cheri’s own quest for love through healthy and unhealthy relationships, complicated by her struggle with a physical disability, has given her invaluable insight into healing, moving forward, and finding love. She knows firsthand that personal challenges can be opportunities for growth and that nothing can get in the way of true love.

Download your FREE Attraction Recipe for Love and receive weekly support on your quest for love and the perfect date or mate at 90Days2Love.com. Or CheriValentine.com.

Mental Scan of Potentiality

Dating is an opportunity to Get out and socialize. Have an open mind! Stop screening everyone as a potential and likely candidate for the perfect mate and start enjoying people and experiences for the pleasure of them. Start living and being present with the people whom you meet rather than mentally calculating the likelihood that they are the happily ever after you so desire.

If you practice the art of living today and enjoying this moment, you will begin to realize that your life is more rewarding and fulfilling than you realized. Why? Because you are happily living it.

Enjoy a glass of wine or a cup of coffee with someone for the simple pleasure of learning about their life. This is much more real than watching a television show or reading a novel. A date is simply an experience in your life. Often times, however, a second date is worthy and even a third before you can absolutely determine that the potential for a long term relationship is even an option.

When you first meet someone, are you completely comfortable and open? Does it take a while before the real you shines through? Is it possible that the same is true for others? You can’t make a decision after only a first date. Establish a 3 date rule and stick to this and you will be surprised at the results. There are reasons for the 3 date rule which I will cover in another entry.

At the very least on a date you have the opportunity for practicing conversation skills, sharing stories, learning about other people, confirming what you enjoy about another person and how they relate with you, clarifying what you don’t necessarily want – which is an opportunity for further clarification on what you do want. When you eliminate the pressure of a date having to hold a greater purpose or meaning, you are more relaxed and allow more of your true essence to be revealed.

When I was dating for the simple pleasure of meeting new people, I had far more fun. At some point along the way, I realize I was doing the mental scan of potentiality. With each and every man I met, I took in a multitude of information in a blink wondering if possibly, he was the one. I became ever more selective in accepting dates. I enjoyed dating less, and was disappointed more. Thankfully, I caught on to my ways.

This prompted an internal investigation of my motives. and a quest for my own personal truth in what a relationship meant to me. Here is what I discovered. I met many interesting men, and to this day have some great friendships as a result of being receptive to dating. I did not go out with every man who asked me, or every man I met. I did have an idea of what was acceptable and not for me.

I used the information from these experiences and observations in creating my Attraction Recipe for my ideal partner. So it was easy for me to recognize him when he showed up.

As a Relationship Intuitive and Love Strategist, Cheri Valentine has been cooking up recipes for attracting ideal relationships. She has successfully guided men and women through the maze of Relating, Dating & Mating on a transformational journey to love that is perfect for them. She is the creator of 90 Days 2 Love Attraction Collaborative and will be releasing her book, 90 Days 2 Love – Transforming Your Love Life from the Inside Out this fall. Download your FREE Attraction Recipe for Love audio at CheriValentine.com.